learnings

I loved the blog posts on  bullying by Seth Godin  and Rohan Rajiv  .... Some more deep learnings from the above posts.. This is a lovely time of the year to think back.. think back on the year, our personal and professional front.. I would love to hear from you on your learning or views on bullying and the lessons learnt.

Scene 1 2 teenagers - good friends One dominates the other on all matters from choice of clothes to lifestyle. The other does not want to earn displeasure so acquiesces in the garb of friendship and being nice. The former is insecure ( wrong parenting) and to mask her insecurities she dominates over the other through persuasion, advice and emotional blackmail. Result: The one who is nice ends up unhappy and dissatisfied This is bullying. Scene 2 Husband and wife One dominate / influences/ tries to change.. Same reasons. The power of control. Result: One who is controlled ends up as a simmering volcano.. may erupt anytime. This is bullying Scene 3 Teacher and student There are all reasons and excuses for the teacher to be typically dominant. Result : Obviously the student suffers This is bullying Scene 4 Parent and child All excuses to dominate over the child . 'I know what is good for you' is the common refrain. Result: insecure child who grows ...

I looked at the moon It looked like ugly fat I looked at the tree It looked old and ugly I looked at the traffic It looked winding and ugly.. Oh mind where are you going? I looked at the moon It looked ethereal I looked at the tree It looked so wise I looked at the traffic I had time for music so divine Oh mind stay with me...

A recent incident in my city involved two students threatening each other over comments given on Facebook. One student had uploaded a girl student's picture. Another boy requested him to remove the picture as the girl happened to be his special friend. The former did not. The latter threatened. When warnings were ignored the online war turned into ugly offline war. Hired goons were brought in to settle the score. Of course the police got involved. When the parents were brought into the picture, they requested the police to beat the boys as they could not control their wards. When the school principal was questioned, she retorted that on her trying to warn the boys, they replied that they were doing it outside school hours so the school should not interfere!!! Here I wonder what went wrong. Some basic niceties would be: Uploading pictures of friends especially girls have to be done after consulting the girls. Be prepared for nasty comments. If they are abusive, report t...

This is not the first time our Consulate officials (in the USA) are  in the news for the wrong reasons. Before accusing other nations of mishandling and humiliating our officials, have we stopped to ponder on the latter's deeds or rather misdeeds! Two of the previous Consular officials have been in controversies regarding the 'domestic help' issues. This time once again, a young lady has misused her privileges. Or at least that is what I have learnt from the media. Till her innocence is proved we should not point fingers.  Just because we get away (in our nation) abusing everyone especially the downtrodden, urinating and defecating in the public, child labour, caste issues etc it does not mean we carry on in the same vein anywhere abroad. When in Rome do as Romans do.. Following the laws of the land makes life easier. But then can we blame the Indians who go abroad to work? After all we are in a culture where the rich and mighty, the politicians  an...

It is indeed a sad day today. I am deeply pained.The Judiciary has let us down. So my nation is still in the throes of the Victorian era.. This is a sign that we are a developing nation. We are yet to open up. We are a 'judging' nation! Homosexuality is NOT A CRIME. IT IS NOT A DISEASE (as proclaimed by a famous yoga guru and he claims he can cure it!) Why cannot we accept people as they are? Wake up Indians. Wake up. ACCEPTING people as they are requires immense MATURITY. So once again we prove we are an immature nation. Allow every Indian irrespective of caste, creed, gender, religion to live and breathe freely. Each of them is someone's child. What if one of them is yours? Would you want your child to be termed a criminal just because his orientation is different from the so called norms of the society?

Recently I happened to watch an episode of a reality show featuring tiny tots, all in the age group of 3-5 years. It is like a question-answer session. Unsuitable questions are often thrown in and the children answer with all innocence. The answers are then thrown back to the audience (the parents) and twisted humor follows. It is amazing how the tiny tots are 'used'. It is even more amazing to watch parents do this to their children. Childhood seems to have acquired a whole new meaning. There was this child who (in a very matured tone) declared solemnly that he watches only the NEWS channels ( God forbid). He is abreast with the news of elections to women abuse!!! Imagine a 4 year old talking about molestation of women!! Do allow children to be children. Do not snatch away their childhood. Love them and live the moments.. It is not very soon that they will grow up ( physically) and move away from our lives

Melanin Oh melanin You are deep in my skin Like burnished gold Without you cancer Can strike me fatal. The sun would be A mortal enemy Yet beauticians and doctors Wish to chase you away. Creams and lotions Surgery and laser They have you By the skin. Happy am I At peace in my own skin I do want you as my companion Tho ads tell me I may not Be ever a model or actor.

I have always been ashamed of my ugly feet. I became aware of my feet after reading novels of queens and heroines of the past. Slender feet, slim ankles, pretty toes and toenail... I would compare them with mine- broad feet, stubby toes, discoloured toenails and after a stint of 10 years in Assam, I developed extreme dryness too. So cracked toes and skin peeling off also added to my woes. Every time I went to buy sandals, I had to forego the pretty ones and settle for solid shapes and colours so as to hide most parts of the feet. And yes I have a spouse who loves my feet. I am still surprised and shocked tho". He finds them cute and says they bring a smile.. I laugh out loud whenever I hear this and often comforted myself that he was just being nice. On Sunday evening as I walked around the deity,in the temple, I glanced at my feet. A sudden flash of insight and I tottered. I was amazed at myself. How could I deride my feet? They have borne my weight which is definitely abov...

Was it a movie? Was it real? Mind blowing experience. The viewer is literally sucked into space. Kudos to the director and the writer. I did not realize the two hours flying . The 'interval ' break was missing. Yet  the movie flowed seamlessly and without tiring us. And I also realized how much we are tuned to local cinema for I kept hoping that the hero would pop in.Single handed Sandra Bullock has carried the movie . George Clooney was amazing. He has risen ten fold in my eyes. A male top actor who has played second fiddle for a brief role. The movie also has a deep learning. I would love to write more but I would like to keep the suspense.

My son and daughter in law gifted me a unique gadget called Fitbit. This is the latest craze among the fitness crazy. Now I have never been an active member of such a group. This is a black band- comes on two sizes in the pack. It is synced with the fitbit app on our smartphone.  It measures the number of steps , distance , calories done in a day. It also records the quality of our sleep. Once you add other fitbit members then you are sucked into a whirlwind of competitive fitness! There you go... Just when you are smug that you have walked 9000 odd steps your friend would have clocked a 4000 more. Whoosh goes down the ego and ups your reality check too. So you can't fool yourself.. Rather we can't just rationalize or generalize !!! Now are you loving it? The best is yet to come. What this black band does is it has transformed my way of thinking. The waking thought is," how much can I walk today, how can I avoid the car " This is the magic. Earlier I had ex...

Throughout my life I have been sleeping late and rising late. So late that it would put anyone to shame! ( Indian housewife standards) I have been following Robin Sharma’s blogs and videos quite regularly. he speaks of the 5 am club. This is the club that all top leaders and CEOs belong to. There is a striking pattern among leaders of all ages. They are early risers. They make use of the ‘divine hours’ in planning for the day. This wisdom is ancient and one that Indians are aware of. After having watched one of Robin Sharma’s recent videos I decided I would wake up early. Somehow 5 am is daunting and scary.. Scary for what reason? Please don’t ask me.. Anyways in all good earnestness I set the alarm at 6 am on my mobile phone. I can see you smiling sarcastically! But yes 6 am is indeed early for me. I kept the mobile phone away from the bed so as to jump up from the bed and take a step or two to shut off the alarm. I woke up and followed the 20 20 20 rule. 20 minutes of exercise/ ...

We battle with these 2 questions almost every day. I have reduced my shopping to a large extent. Every time I want to buy something I put across these questions to myself. Of course a mini war goes on between my body /heart and mind. I argue and counter argue. I had tried several methods previously to keep a check on my spending. This method is foolproof. Inevitably the mind being the rational creature wins. If you are in doubt about who is answering you- the heart or mind- all you have to check is who gives the quickest answer. Obviously is would be the heart. Then do remember that there is no quick way to success. Hence you have enough evidence to disown the heart here. Follow your rational self. It is indeed tough but then which path of goodness and success has been easy? Gradually it would become a habit and the questions would pop into your mind when you are faced with spending/buying !!

I am sharing this based on the learning from the popular book,’How full is your Bucket’ by Donald O. Clifton and Tom Rath. Each of us has an invisible bucket which we empty or fill depending on what we say or do. We also have an invisible dipper which we use to fill or dip our buckets and also that of others. When we use positive words and actions towards others we are filling their bucket and in turn ours. When our buckets are full we are happier, more productive and healthier. When we use negativity towards others we are dipping into their buckets and ours. We thus dip into the buckets rendering them empty. When our buckets are empty we are unhappier, drained, less productive and unhealthier! We have a choice- do we fill or dip ? Do we want full buckets or empty ones?

I have often overheard parents commenting that their wards are watching too much of television. If you dig a little deeper, it is not surprising to find that the parents are doing the same! Research has proved that children model on the behaviour of parents. Early childhood is the most crucial period in the development of traits and character. Children role model their parents. It is perfectly fine to watch a few programs together and even have a discussion. But parents especially mothers tend to be glued to serials/ soap shows. They get annoyed when they are disturbed. They do not welcome phone calls or visitors during this time. All these are imbibed by the children who begin to accept it as a value. When they, in turn, exhibit the same behaviour the parents cannot tolerate, leading to conflicts. Hence dear parents, watch your step, I mean your TV viewing!

I shifted house and had begun to lounge around to work with my laptop. But in lieu of my previous post Vitamin Sunshine I jumped into  crafting my standing desk once again. I pulled out the small wooden laptop table ( home made) on which I have placed the external key pad ( very economical). I placed the laptop on a small coffee table ( very economical). So now I am back to standing/ shifting on both legs to work.. Yes I do sit if I have to work longer. My time on social sites has reduced ! I am happy I am burning calories ( standing/ shifting on legs helps burn calories faster than sitting) It liberates me.. I am not tied down to a chair. I can take breaks faster and with more ease!! I realized how lazy I used to get when I was ‘sitting’. I am also aware I need to take care of varicose veins etc. Fortunately being on the wrong side of 40s my body does not hesitate to whine.. I then do pamper myself.. It is worth it..

Today I took a share auto to work. Share auto-rickshaws are a common means of public transport in my city ( Chennai). They are just more rickety and bigger than the yellow auto rickshaw. But they are far cheaper and safer. As the hot dusty air ran through my shampooed hair, a young, pregnant woman clambered in. One look at her and my heart melted. She was looking so tired, sweaty and clumsy. She was holding onto her tummy as if to protect her baby from the rough ride. Flashback : me heavily pregnant but travelling always in the cool confines of a car, looking healthy as a ripe plum! Cut to the present: I sent a thank you to the Maker for having me born to my parents and comforts. Learning : 1. To be thankful-Look at people who do not have as much as you. Result: gratitude and joy 2.To be envious-Look at people who have more than you. Result : pain and sorrow Make your choice

Recently my sister in law ( who lives in Adelaide, Australia) remarked that her physician had noted that Asians especially Indians lacked in Vitamin D!! I found it strange initially as we live in the tropics and have a good exposure to the sun. But wait a minute.. Though we have plenty of sun do we actually make use of the sunlight? Rather we avoid the sun, the life giver.. Cultural reasons:( these stand out to be the foremost for avoiding the sun) Due to the colonial hangover and the craze for the white skin we avoid the sun. Every matrimonial advertisement justifies this. Hence we see the female gender dressed up as Neptunians – armored and covered from head to toe. Scarves and dupattas are creatively used. It would put jack Sparrow to shame! In fact sometimes I wonder why we decry the purdah!! Economic: There is a shift happening: from the agrarian to the manufacturing/ bpo / IT, from the rural to the urban. Osteoporosis, decreased immune system, skin problems are in vogue. Ju...

Yesterday's paper carries an article on a Delhi High Court judgement on a divorce issue. A woman had pleaded divorce on the grounds of cruelty. Her husband was involved in an extramarital affair. The court has passed judgement that she cannot claim cruelty as the husband had proved he was not neglecting her needs. I was amazed on reading this. What about her mental peace, her emotional needs? What about the attack on her self esteem? What would be the impact on the children if there are ? Marriage is between two adults and if there is a third one involved illicitly, definitely it is painful. It is emotional abuse. I wondered at the judgement. Is the Human Rights Commission going to keep quiet? Or am I getting it wrong ....

A deep learning I received today from a good old friend. As usual we were discussing several things under the sun when the topic of suffering came up.  There are so many who are in pain, in suffering and in turn hurting themselves and others. As I mentioned this my friend said suffering is when we don’t accept reality… when we do not let go…When we persist on ‘holding’ then we automatically suffer. Such wisdom in the words. When we face death, hurt, betrayal we do not let it go. We engulf ourselves in the pain. Since it is very difficult to let go, our body and mind gets used to pampering us with the pain. We get entangled in the pain. It becomes addictive. Then we suffer- suffer from headaches to acidity, ulcers to cancer.

My mother reminded me of an ancient story today. A mouse was unhappy with itself so it requested a sage to turn it into a mountain/ bigger animal and even a human. Each time it turned into something  it ended being unhappy. It realised that it was happiest being a mouse. I have heard this story in my childhood. It struck me how deep the wisdom is. Be happy with who you are. Be aware of yourself.. Each one is unique. Let us not compare ourselves with anyone…..

Of late it has become a style statement to announce one's personal celebrations like birth/engagement/marriage/death on huge flex banners/hoardings. Each of these are endorsed with pictures and symbols of various political parties. I wish the government would do something about them. All these are made of non biodegradable materials. It is visual pollution and distraction too. It is strange that we advise the youth against posting pictures on public portals and yet these families post pictures of their daughters ( attained puberty!!) so publicly. How is it that suddenly there is a grip of power ? Is there too much money to flout? Today I cam across the posters of a young couple to be soon married alongside a particular person ( whom I do not wish to reveal as I want to live) and few others alongside Netaji! Definitely Netaji would not have wanted to be used like this. But then who cares? As a student of history my heart burned, my eyes flamed up and my tongue thickened. Tears ...

We have shared a tumultuous relationship. Right now we are in love. I love to hit the gym.. be it 20 min or 35 min or 45 or 60 min .. the last slot is very rare tho! Often people have commented on their dislike for the gym. My friends prefer tai chi/ yoga ( I too like yoga), pilate, aerobics, zumba, salsa to going to the gym. They say it is very mundane and boring. I have tried out yoga- which I do give due respect and credit- and aerobics. I hated aerobics. The instructor wasn’t kind. I hate math so counting steps, asking my brain to turn left and right was tortuous for me. I was the clumsy oaf in the class and it was not easy. Actually I liked yoga so much because the instructor was a gem! Kudos to teachers! At the gym, I am on my own. The trainer does peep in to see if I am on the move! I do not have to count. The machine does it. I relax. I speed up and slow down at my will. Music may blast. I am in my own world. Sometimes I listen to audio books on audible ( thanks to ear plug...

I don not know if such a word exists- it just came to my mind. Receiving is starkly different from accepting so if there are receptors there can be acceptors.. my logic strictly. Type A- One who can ‘accept’ after a bout of crying/ self talk/ sulking and finally phew, accepts Type B- One who can ‘accept’ after a bout of anger and ego bashing Type C- Nonchalantly accepts Type D-Accepts calmly   Which one are you? As long as one accepts.. that is the key concept here. If we don’t it would grow cancerous killing us and sucking the life out of others around us.

I am getting back to my blogging world after months. No excuses actually though I can come up with genuine ones !! ha ha ha!! I pondered. I came up with so many topics to write a note on or rather opine on. I shall leave that for later. Let me pen my thoughts on a close friend's experience. Recently a close friend's spouse wanted to have a smoke. He had given up smoking entirely as he had a major lung issue just a year ago. While he was on heavy medication which according to the doctor would take a toll on other organs like the kidney, liver, bones and even the eyes. For one long year she was on a project- to dish out food that would be safe and healthy. She  ventured into organic food/organic/ oil/organic lentils etc.  She was on a war path with his bacterial invasion. Indeed it was an immense relief when the year trudged by and the doctor gave a clean chit to all the parameters. Hence you can imagine her dismay and surprise when he said he was going to have a smoke! ...

This morning he asked me if I could button his shirt? How could I refuse, when I saw his wrinkled hands, hands that held me, led me.. Hands that cajoled me spanked me! All stooped and bent as he stood… Tears rolled down My father, dear father!

Why is modern India still in the Victorian era? A young couple who had a love marriage commit suicide as their parents have not accepted them! Whom should we blame? Parents/society/ couple? If the couple live happily their community does not allow them. If they have managed to escape the wrath of the community then the parents don’t accept. My advice to couples: Since you have taken the plunge, go on till the end of the journey. There will be more downs initially but soon they give way to ups! Once parents see you happily married they would relent. Since you have taken a decision to marry without parental consent, why do you get so bogged down when they are in the non-acceptance mode? Time will bring them to you.   My advice to parents; You have lived your life. Let the young ones live theirs. Can we not do that much for our children? If they are working and independent why not let them choose. Your worry maybe, what if their choice is wrong? Well even arranged marriages can f...

The other day a parent told me that her 8th std son was suffering from BP. I was shocked. Looking at the boy I could understand why! He was clearly overweight. He was munching on a packet of bingo (a salted snack). He was never sent to play outdoors and obviously he was an angry young man! The lady’s daughter was in her 11th and she was sulking. Reason- she wanted to do liposuction!! I could not believe my ears. But nothing surprising  though. Obesity, anorexia, juvenile BP/ diabetes are on the rise alarmingly. If India is going to have a ‘sick’ (sic) young population then imagine Abdul Kalam’s 2020 dream. Looks like we oldies have a big job to do. It is doubtful if today’s children will live to see India shining. So we have to do the work of taking India forward !! It is equally surprising to note that the youth have so much of information on health, lifestyle and diseases and yet they are willing to flaunt it in the name of fashion. Behind their make-believe tough veneer they a...

I recently read an article in a popular daily that babymoons are in fashion. For those who do not know what they are, babymoons are trips taken by the couple when the wife is pregnant. Of course this has gained prominence due to Kate Middleton being whisked away to an exotic Mediterranean locale by her Prince Charming! Indians are getting caught in this fashion as well so says the report. So much planning goes into having a baby- beginning from the engagement ceremony is it not! Yet once the baby arrives the young parents are torn between the traditional and modern style of parenting, especially in India when families pitch in. Parenting is crucial and so so important. A child’s personality is set by the time it is five years of age. Now is this not scary? For we often hear parents saying that children would ‘outgrow’ certain traits!!! This is the biggest myth that has to be busted. There are varied styles of parenting: Authoritarian -  It is also known as strict parenting. Her...

Dear Youth, Greetings. I am pained by the recent happenings in my state. Separatism in the name of language or religion kills the essential spirit of democracy. Politics and youth are strange bedfellows. It was shocking to know that students of premier institutions were involved in a protest concerning another nation. Our solidarity should be for India. On no account should regionalism interfere with nationalism. We talk of referendum in another nation; what about implementing it in Kashmir? Let us look into our own fabric. Why was no one protesting the recent rape of a foreign national? What is the image we are projecting? A dalit woman was brutally raped in interior Tamilnadu but there was no protest. Has rape become such a common problem that it is now part and parcel of our lives that we can shut our eyes towards it. Has the Delhi incident drained us so much that we are voiceless now? We have so many demons to fight within. Let us expend our knowledge, technology, energy...

Often I get teased by friends and family for my thirst in learning and attempting some course or the other… If I look back I have enjoyed enrolling in new courses and dong the exams. Equally exciting was to put them into practice. Just recently I came across this story which has bolstered me and hope it will have the same effect on you. Socrates was in prison awaiting his execution when he heard another prisoner singing a difficult lyric by the poet Stesichoros. Socrates begged the man to teach him the lyric.  “Why?” asked the singer. ‘So that I can die knowing one thing more,’ was the great man’s reply.

Disorientation adds dimension to thought process. When disorientation has occurred the brain no longer  sees  what the eyes are looking at, it no longer  hears  what the ears are hearing. One aspect of multidimensional thinking is the ability of the thinker to experience thoughts as realities. Reality is what the person perceives it to be and the disorientation alters the perception. The person’s thoughts become the person’s perception so the thoughts are reality to that individual! If necessity is the mother of invention then multidimensional thinking is the the father! This concept helps us how  da Vinci  and the author of ancient puranas visualized the helicopter / pushpaka vimana  so many 100 years ago.  Leonardo da Vinc i had the gift of dyslexia…

It is a warm world With lights and make up Hearts and blood Is it Cinema or Maya?   Sweat and tears Money and matters Costumes and masks Is it Cinema or Maya?   Emotions and thoughts Jealousy and snobbery Attitude and arrogance Is it Cinema or Maya?   Fakes and glitter Art and craft Stares and glare Is it Cinema or Maya?   Hero and actor Villain and melodrama Camera and track Is it Cinema or Maya?   I preen and shine She sniggers and giggles He mocks and cries Is it Cinema or Maya?   Audience and mass Authors and countrymen I leave it you Is it Cinema or Maya?

Rs.260= tickets for 2 Rs. 45=car parking fee Rs.60= one ice cream What a waste of money!! I should have trusted my gut instinct. I read conflicting reviews about this new film and my favourite newspaper misled me! This is equal to my Sunday evening being ruined! The movie has 2 well known stars ( god knows what they were doing in the film) 1. The movie depicts very blatantly a fanatic hindu outfit terrorising a pious Christian preacher and his family by accusing them of forced conversions. hence the protagonist “David’  who lives in Mumbai, is upset and goes about searching for a non existent truth. 2. The other ‘David’ lives in Goa and is the stereotype drunkard. He only drinks and drinks( why no censor, I wonder). The drinking is shown to the extent that he hallucinates about having conversations( supposedly soul searching ) with his dead father! His dead father’s spirit has the habit of getting inside the body of another and accompanying David for another drink ( sic). Wha...

Often we tend to sacrifice quality for quantity. I must confess I have been there, done that!! I had purchased an electric kettle at a very nominal price in Singapore. My mother had warned me that the brand was not well known. The branded one, of course, was ten dollars more. So I blindly sacrificed the quality. Today my mother has the last laugh. Her branded kettle, that is more than a decade old is still functioning whereas mine doesn’t!  I ended up spending more on trying to get it work. Has this happened to you?

I have been asked by friends if yoga and counselling can be combined. I have used Pranayama and Surya Namaskar in my counselling process. Both are especially effective in treating mild to moderate depression and anxiety disorders. I have used either or both along with the ‘thought stopping’ technique. Yoga is very relaxing and soothing. But the client should be willing to practise everyday to get the best result. Care should be taken to understand the client’s medical history to avoid physical problems. it s best to recommend a Yoga teacher/centre near the client’s residence. Self learning is dangerous and harmful to oneself. A trained teacher would be able to suggest the right asanas for the various ailments.