learnings

Some three decades ago I used to read and watch movies where the wife would be subservient to the autocratic husband and further be dependent on the son. None of the stories and movies had a happy ending. Well I am writing from my personal memory and as a reader you are free to challenge, discuss, debate, agree or disagree. This morning as friend ( Male ) And me were chatting we observed the changes in family values. With amusement we noted how women ( our mothers) actually dominated their men ( in their own subtle/ direct manner and more so heavily post retirement of the menfolk). What amused us more was the fact that in a nation of ‘son’ lovers, given the choice parents prefer to stay in the daughters house than their sons. ( again pls note that we are from the south of India).  The kitchen domain when belonging to the daughter is easier to manoeuver than that of a daughter in law!!! We laughed over the fact that we may be a Patriarchal society but in our hearts and for all practi

As mentioned in my previous blog post that my leg was in cast for two weeks and I now found it difficult to walk normally ! Yes it took mere two weeks to make my leg forget to walk! This is the third week and I am still limping. Partly because I am afraid. Afraid to just bear the pain. Yes it does pain here and there when I try to walk. So in two weeks one can decide to change. Third week it is painful. Somewhere it hurts. Somewhere there is a discomfort. Yet if we plough on slowly and carefully we ought to bring in change. As I write this I am almost able to walk with my usual gait but not at my usual  speed. I know I will get there. 

Finally a fortnight is over and the cast on my foot has been removed. The doctor was happy with the progress. Voila now I am back to normal life. Ah how wonderful it sounds. Normal. Yet when I stepped on my foot ( that was in the cast) I had actually forgotten to walk. And it was just 14 days. Pins and needles shot through my leg. Suddenly new muscles groaned and hey I was limping. So all it takes is 14 days to create a change!  So another fortnight and I ought to be running. Would this be the same with habits? This is inspiring is it not. 

A fortnight has gone since I injured my right foot. Oh there is a glamorous  name for it- fifth metatarsal tuberosity avulsion fracture!  Wow isn’t it ? It is a very minor injury though I was put in cast for two weeks. So how was my life in these past 14 days:- 1. People exclaiming from sad , how, so sad, you are over active ( sic),you don’t listen, too much travel etc etc excepting my son who stood like a rock through this.  2. Pots of advice - no more high heel, walk slow, have to consider age (sic) 3. Most asked questions - how are you spending time, how can you lie down like this with nothing to do ( do I have a choice!) ,  is it not boring ? Now let me tell you what I actually did.  4. I laughed away at all queries.  5. I kept my spirit up every moment. For this ,one has to be accepting. I did not curse my fate. Rather I know that what has to happen will. So this happened. Now I need to take care. My entire focus was now on the recovery.  6. I brought out all the

On my recent visit to Indonesia I noticed that honking was mostly absent on the roads. It was so pleasant to see the motorists following the traffic rules- be it the tuk tuk, horse tonga, car, scooter or cyclist! None of the two-wheelers jumped traffic signals nor did they climb on to the empty pavement during peak traffic. People waited patiently if someone had taken a wrong turn or a big car needed to take a reverse or u- turn. Motorists reduced speed while taking a turn or while coming on to the main road from a side street. They were apologetic easily and courteous on the road. It is easy to deduce the behaviour and attitude of people from their road sense. In general, during my visit, I did find the Indonesians very patient, warm and courteous. I heaved a big sigh and walked on reminiscing about the discourteous, impatient road sense in my city- Chennai.

The news hit me in my solar plexus as if a boxer had. Anger raged and then sadness engulfed. I went about my daily routine in a haze. I went to the gym. Songs were blaring. Today in my heightened senses I actually listened to the lyrics of a very popularly loved song from the movie Alaipayuthe. The song is yaarodi, ....unnode purushan, un thimiruku arasan. If loosely translated it means dear girl who is the guy who will be your husband, who will be the king to your stubbornness rather who will dominate/rule/subjugate you dear stubborn girl. A dam broke within me. I left hurriedly and burst out into tears in the safe haven of my vehicle. A song sung by a female for a female teasing about a man subjugating, dominating, about a girl who cannot be assertive- because being assertive is equalled to being stubborn and aggressive in my culture! So look at the body language of women in my country- shoulders never brazened out, chin down, eyes down, cover with stole or a bag while in public. T

On reading AG KK Venugopal’s submission in court that being an MP is not a full time job, I am endorsing that being an MP and an advocate is the best career in India. As an MP you get the best pay, best benefits without being accountable. As an advocate you can argue your way out. Both in tandem is a dream job.  Both vocations need you to be a good communicator. Hence polish your public speaking and language skills. I offer Public speaking at a throwaway price. When you become an MP + advocate do be on my side. 

My bambino grew up And left home He has two of his own now Our conversations Punctuated with the unspoken... Amused he asked If the end of the conversation we had reached How do I convey that in my mind he Occupies the central role Dialogues I have, chats I filter As if talking in person That when the virtual reality happens I am at a loss I long to be in real fondling his head, call him by nickname Time leaps by.. He laughs at my home remedies I want to say.' I told you so' A pause , a moment Time has jumped by He has to make his own choices For he is a man my son.

My mother's generation has friends who came into their lives after marriage. School and college friends hardly existed. Thanks to social media my generation rocks. We have searched and brought our friends back into or lives. Today my college mates and I had met up over lunch. The lunch stretched into tea time. We are all at a wonderful stage of life, some of us single, some grandparents, some remarried and some parents to University children or just about to be married. We giggled, laughed uproariously so much so that we felt sad to part. Yet when we had to part we parted with promises of having more meetings and chats. Over so many topics that we shared the topmost discussed was our menopause. It was a relief that we were going through most of the common symptoms like hot flushes, sweating, raging anger etc. Today we felt more bonded. I also realised how important it is for women to have women friends. We are lucky to have our school/college friends for we can truly let our ha

It is not uncommon to see orange, red and black quizzing past you as you drive through the streets of my city. Earlier it was the ambulance alone that deserved to be given way. But hey these are the food delivery guys. As I drove to work an orange guy almost crashed into me while ared whizzed past. Poor chaps work with minimum safety measures. I have hardly seen any of them spotting a helmet. They risk their necks to deliver food to connoisseur,to the bachelor, to the working woman, to the hungry kid, to the lonely senior citizen and to every other household. Hey it could be my pizza on its way. So I humbly and respectfully give way. Perspective and self do a tango. 

The other day I was very upset. I paced up and down and felt the anger rising in me. I took out my notepad and my Parker pen. I wrote a letter pouring  out my feelings. I then went about my day’s work. By the time I finished three pages of writing I also decided I would hand it over later. At the end of the day it amazed me that such negative thoughts had risen within me. In just half a day my perspective has changed drastically. So would this matter to me in a few days, in a few weeks , months or a year? The answer  was loud and a clear No. I was relieved that I had not typed an email or a message on my phone for I would have hit the send button and then regretted. Would writing help you too?

My son had once remarked that if something is stressing me, pause, observe what is stressing and remove the cause. It is a simple but such a powerful statement. Often we know but when someone puts it in the language we understand it becomes easier. I have been practising this as much as possible and obtained relief. This applies to any situation. This morning as I was juggling the reading lamp on my desk I paused to observe why it was not useful to me. I wasn't happy with its current position and was going to stack it away. It has always been on the right side as the desk had several stuff on it. I cleaned out and placed the lamp on my left. Lo and behold it works wonderfully for me. In our relationships if we can pause, observe and  change our perspective we can up our life and have wonderful moments

It was with great shock I heard of the death of Anthony Bourdain. My cousin wa so upset. He had a special bond with Tony. Tony Bourdain has visited my cousin’s restaurant in the UK. He shared a camaraderie with my cousin. So much so he even visited our native village Thrikariyoor off Kothamanagalam in Ernakulam district. He savoured the delicious food prepared by my aunt. I remember my aunt commenting on his humility. Such a great chef, a master storyteller and globe trotter!  He had everything going for him. At least that is what we thought. Maybe he had and maybe he didn’t. The human mind is so fragile. Our body is a miracle,our brain a greater miracle but our mind. Where is the mind , what is it? From the time Homo sapiens evolved many a philosopher, spiritualist, guru, poet, scientist and psychologists have tried to unravel the mind. The quest goes on. Tony’s death- I take the liberty of calling him so as he touched my life indirectly by sharing a slice with my relatives- is

I am on a short staycation at my cousin’s resort Rasa Gurukul in Chalakudy. It is set amidst 23 acres of greenery and on the banks of the Chalakudy river. Each time I come here I fall in love with it a little more. I looked forward to sleeping in late. The sound of the heavy rain woke me up t 6.30 am. I drifted off to sleep again listening  to the sound of rain. Ooh why is my alarm going off so early I thought. Ah it was not my iPhone. It was the actual chirping of real birds:))).

After three decades I went to watch my super star’s movie on the first day at the once popular theatre Albert. It is always a ritual watching movies of super stars in my city. This time fans, including our group ( my bestie was forced to adhere), donned black. The movie was screened an hour late. Amidst the stench of broken sewage and merry drunkards, the atmosphere was that of a festival. It was amusing to see the triumphant movie watchers of the previous show walking down the steps as if they had Sen the super star in person. They were greeted with loud cheers. No one asked their opinion of the movie lest they hear anything negative. Flop or hit all we’re here to cheer the star. It is an experience watching Rajini films at Albert. Nostalgia hit me. So we finally got our seats that have seen better days. I felt sad seeing the dilapidated theatre. In this land of crazed fans couldn’t we get a decent experience? The opening credits began with loud cheer and claps. The excitement mou

I must be one of the very few people in my city who enjoys the summer and it’s bounty - mango, watermelon, butter milk, curd, warm water flowing through the tap, clothes drying crisp, air conditioning etc. It suddenly rained last evening for about 20 minutes. I revelled in the first few raindrops, inhaled deeply the wet earth fragrance and fell in love with the sight of the trees and plants outside my centre which were soaking in the rain. It was time to pack up. I hummed and began my drive back home. Meanwhile the radio was guiding me on the roadblocks ahead! It was shocking to see the roads being water logged and the traffic chaos. Immediately my thoughts went to Singapore which receives rain everyday and yet how wonderfully organised and maintained it is. As I sat waiting for the traffic signal to go green my attention went back to the radio. A man was talking about a village on the outskirts of my city. The village boasted of just one government school having 80 students. He sa

She woke up, stifling a yawn. She dreaded the unfolding of the day. It was Tuesday, the dreaded math tuition day. He would come to teach her this much hated subject.   With his leering smile and hungry looks he pounced on the subject and on her nubile thighs. For every wrong answer he pinched her plump thighs and grazed her private parts. When she resisted he threatened her that he would make her get beatings. Yes he knew that her parents spanked her. Her mother never understood the subtle signs she gave, like how much she hated the subject, she didn’t like his teaching etc. It was always roundabout. She never had the courage to tell her mother the truth that her young daughter was being tainted and corrupted. The old man would tell her stories of his escapades in the dark world with a guileless smile and raspy voice. He gave her the creeps. She could never concentrate hence she got almost all her answers wrong. This enabled him to furrow deep into her without her consent. S

It is the Indian month Chithirai. On Sunday 29th happened to be the Consecration anniversary of Lord Ayyappa. My dad’s memory drives me to the temple.  As a young girl I used to enjoy accompanying my father to the temple. We would walk from home. It was also the time to indulge in our little chats. I loved to listen to his stories.  My father made sure that I became a life member in the temple. He was a devout man.  As I grew older life circumstances made me question the Almighty and His ways. I am a believer but my journey to being a faithful is long and arduous. I am still on the journey.  This Sunday I witnessed a few rituals exclusively. I stood in front of the idol and tears ran down remembering my father. I remember how I had debated with him on the temple membership. I asked him why why why. Why not a membership in one of the prestigious clubs? His answer was simple.  He remarked that he enjoyed coming home to spend time with family than spending time at a club.