learnings

Today I shared some of my poems with a colleague. It struck me that I haven’t written in a long time. During the flood calamity in my city I had penned two poems after a very long gap. When there are problems we move towards creativity, we seek solutions, we think of alternatives. Problems need not be merely negative. It could be any situation needing a solution. I would recommend Seth Godin’s post on this topic. So wonderful and precise

It has been a month since I have actually gone to work. I hear students and colleagues complaining of boredom. They do not know what to do with time on their hands. Parents are bored of having children at home (sic). My friend and I spent  some time gazing at the rain washed landscape. We suddenly remarked together that we never feel or get bored. We just savour every moment. So it always comes as a surprise when I hear people saying they get bored! I always find something to do. My greatest companions during such unexpected holidays have been books. Books, relief work, cleaning, movies, sleeping in late  and hanging out at home.... so much was there to do.

Happy to bleed... This is the latest trending now ..I am a tad too late in writing this... It is just shocking that a priest can say such derogatory remark about women in a  Literate state like Kerala- the land which once upon a time had a matriarchal culture!!! And the women haven't protested.In a state where for anything and everything  there is either a hartal or bandh!!! God made Man.Man made Religion. So obviously man made the rules. Sadly over the years women have got conditioned so much that today they fear... fear to oppose, fear of god's wrath (sic) fear of being punished (by?) fear of misfortune.. Why feel impure? Why be made to feel impure? It is a big fat joke that ads featuring sanitary napkins use  the famous blue blot while the woman and her body is portrayed sensually or sexually to sell cars,calendars etc. I am happy to bleed. I am a woman proud. My body I love, every nook, corner and curve... As I always sigh and say will my country ever shi...

As a teacher and Counsellor I have had many students come up to me to share their feelings and thoughts. As parents the only thing we can and should offer is a safe home- emotionally safe ( I am not getting into personal/physical safety). A home where children feel emotionally secure, a home where they WANT to go back to....This is the simplest but most difficult to accomplish. Are we being 'open' to our children? Are we ready to 'accept' them as separate entities? Are we giving them love with 'no strings attached'? Are we just 'listening' to them? Are we even 'seeing' them? Are we 'caring' ? Children don't need your gifts. They need You. In several instance when homes aren't such safe havens, the next place is the school. Are schools i.e teachers equipped to bring about an atmosphere of happiness, caring, acceptance and love? Can we make our schools at least  a safe haven? 

After a long hiatus I return. I had vowed to myself that I would merely gloss over the newspaper to avoid the anger and depression that well in me on reading in detail! Yet I couldn't help reading 2 articles relating to the CALLOUSNESS of the teachers concerned. Article 1: In Srinagar a young boy of 17/18  years committed suicide. Reason? he had failed in his favourite subject. On revaluation it was found that he had actually topped the class. Yes the boy should not have taken this path. He should have /could have... But then is it also not the responsibility of the evaluator? Should not the evaluating teacher be concerned and cautious of the papers he or she is evaluating. If we know someone is failing can we not take a few moments to cross check if we have missed out/ evaluated properly/ check if we can give some grace marks??? Cannot we teachers be more humane while correcting papers/tests? If the student has not attempted answers or has done it very badly then it is underst...

I lost 2 family members I went thro' hell I emerged anew Smiling and well dressed But hey don't brush me off   I am highly myopic I have a permanent allergy I still smile and dress well But hey don't brush me off   I do face life's tensions and stress I am like a see saw between people sometimes I still smile and dress well But hey don't brush me off   I deal with mistrust and suspicion Jealousy and bipolar thoughts I still smile and dress well But hey don't brush me off   I am victim of groping and abuse Verbal and emotional I still smile and dress well But hey don't brush me off     This poem is written for all anonymous women who face challenges yet rise and shine. They are brushed off by society very callously. They face remarks like, 'What for you..'   'If you are suffering'  'would you even..'  lucky  you have faced only this... now you are lucky.... such a blessed life. ...

I cam across this article on how to avoid being a   Helicopter Teacher . I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. I have heard of helicopter parenting so this was novel and exciting. From my 25 years of experience I endorse the stand completely. Initially I used to take pride in offering solutions to students when they sought clarifications. I had all answers to their queries and even went a step further to hand hold in every project. Till I realised ( during my Teaching Excellence Achievement Program to Nebraska, USA ). I witnessed teachers asking, 'What do you think?' leaving open ended questions to the students. It was marvellous to see the outcome. A simple but powerful question leaving the power of thinking/ problem solving/ decision making to the students. Guidance is necessary but not to the extent of pouring our thoughts and perspective onto the students'! The International Baccalaureate curriculum is a great one as it enables students to be research minded, open min...

When I was a school going child I remember the days preceding my birthday. My father would ensure that he took me shopping to buy me footwear. I revelled in buying them. He would hold my hand firmly and walk briskly from shop to shop. In between he would treat us to steaming coffee and dosas. Today my father is 80 years old. He walks slowly and hesitantly. He now has the habit of washing his feet every time an advertisement comes on the TV. I would reprimand him but gave up. He likes doing it. He has walked several miles and on his visit to several countries he has shopped around  to get me the right footwear. Today he walks to and fro to wash his wrinkled feet. Those wrinkles have seen so much. They have carried him to the burial ground to light up the pyre of his son and son in law. Today my prayer is let him wash his feet umpteen times and for many years to come. I will lend my shoulder, my hand and my smiles. I love you dad.

A lovely day it has been. The bliss after days of hard work. The rest after days of standing and running around. I made some hot dosas and a good cuppa tea- the Indian way with milk but no sugar. I poured it from the pot into the cup. Something was missing. Ah yes! I began the typical Indian style of pouring the pot to cup and cup to pot in an elaborate manner till the tea started frothing and was brimming. A lovely aroma and a finer taste. The tea had transformed. It is the same with life. As we go through life, when we add zing to it, we run from work to home and fro; if we allow the bubbles of laughter to seep through; if we add fitness and bounce to our step, if .... So many ifs... But do the ifs and voila we will have the cup of life brimming

Public Speaking means speaking in front of an audience- formal or informal.  And PS looms large like an asura! However competent a teacher or a manager is in front of his/her team, if you ask the person to do a presentation or speak in front of an audience, fear cramps most. Well no one is to be blamed. When man evolved his brain did too. But the new brain- the prefrontal cortex merely grew upon the older one, the reptilian brain. In the olden days wild animals caused the classic fight or flight syndrome. Today the wild animal is replaced by the audience. Yet PS is a skill that can be acquired. To acquire any skill one needs practice. I tell my students that they ought to rehearse for at least 27 times in different parts of their house, in front of different members at home, even in front of pets. Why 27? Actually there is no reason, it is just to get their attention and curiosity. It is a number that is incomplete and evokes the reaction - why 27, why not 20 or 30.. Well odd ...

Live larvae in Nestle milk powder and elevated levels of MSG and lead in Maggi. Both products consumed by children. Do companies need to stoop to these levels for profit? Killing and maiming the future generation would lead to losses later.. Short term profit is blinding long term profit?? Is this happening to only the Indian business of Nestle or is it a universal phenomenon? Integrity where are you?  

My heart brimmed with joy as I read the news of Manabí Bandhopadhyay becoming the country's first Principal. http://www.msn.com/en-in/news/national/college-in-bengal-to-have-country%e2%80%99s-first-transgender-principal/ar-BBkhGhq?ocid=HPCDHP It is indeed heart warming in a time when inter-caste love, religious strifes, Muslims being turned down from renting houses in Mumbai, headmaster sexually assaulting minor students run rampant in the news. Congratulations to the College for encouraging this.

As I looked ut of the classroom window I saw the tamarind tree laden with ripe tamarinds. My mouth watered at the thought of having one with a pinch of salt. During my schooldays such a tree would have been stripped by eager bunch of girls like me. We enjoyed clambering up the trees in our school ground. We would mix salt and chilli powder and polish of dozens till our teeth would cry STOP!! Today the tree stands laden but no one is interested in simple pleasures. Times have changed...

As we were having lunch one hot noon the topic revolved about aches and pains. One of my colleague mused about a book she  had read recently. It was titled the Gift of Pain. As she discussed the contents it hit the nail on our heads. What if were not able to feel pain? We may think it to be blissful- yes temporarily it would. Imagine a painless labour and painless surgeries. But look at the cons of not having pain- emotional. mental and physical pain. we would become sociopaths/psychopaths. It would be so unnatural! So pain and experiencing it is not bad at all. It reminds us that it is natural. It teaches us to be humane. It is a gift.

I love this time of the year. There is something nostalgic about May. The heat, mangoes, jackfruits, curd, tender mango pickles... I miss my childhood days. Every year ( for years) mid April we would head to my native Kerala. As we landed at Kochi ( then) the fresh air and the greenery would excite us. One of my cousins would always be there to pick us up. With suitcases in our hands we would watch a Malayalam movie and then head home- to my paternal grand mom's. Days would blur into nights and vice versa. All the cousins would gather under one roof and we would take turns at staying at the various aunts/uncles' places. Swimming and bathing in the local rivers/streams/ ponds were an everyday affair. We would then head to our grandfather's hotel and hog all the delicious items on the menu. Playing hide and seek, cycling, playing cricket, movies, stories and plenty of food kept us going. Sometimes a wedding or a family function would enable us to meet distant relatives. A c...

After days of cribbing about our increasing girth lines and bad lifestyle, A few of us have joined together to go to the nearest park after work and walk for about 30 minutes. After school like a bunch of excited girls we changed our footwear and set off. The park itself was a pleasant surprise. One round =510 meters. The plentiful green cover is an added boon. Amidst a few hiccups we managed to finish 2.5 kms today. Soon we began to talk about the types of food to consume too. It was magical to see our group deciding to make changes in the diet. Once I returned home I was enthused to walk for another 20 minutes and I took care not to over eat too. I am looking forward to such group walks and sustained enthusiasm. The point is Let us just begin...

This evening I walked to my lending library ( yes we have a few book lending libraries left in my city). I saw an elderly couple walking a few steps ahead of me. The wife was walking with the support of a stick. The husband was holding her other hand. The road was busy with motorists honking and bikes whizzing past. A man from the opposite side slowed down his bike on seeing the couple , smiled at them and even told them to take their time and walk slow. This biker waited patiently. I was so motivated by this action. On reaching the cross roads I slowed down my pace and helped them to cross the road. They were so thankful that I was embarrassed. Doing a small act of help can leave us so invigorated. Would you also please look around to do your bit ?  

Last night this was the advice given to me by my spouse. As I reflected on this I realized the biggest obstacle in doing this i.e keeping enemies close would require me to give up my ego. And this is huge. But the end result would be great because: I would not be spending time in negative thoughts/action It would not deter my health I would master the art of diplomacy I would not run away from the situation What do you have to say?

When we are assigned a task or if we have an assignment to do: Let us just begin with baby steps. The baby steps evolve into a routine. We hit a 'flow'. We complete the task with happiness and satisfaction. Often when we observe babies trying to learn to stand or walk, it is admirable to see their persistence. A word of praise or a clap makes them go getters! That is because babies are not prone to self-criticism ( thank god for that).  Can we learn from this and take 'baby steps' and be kinder to ourselves? These baby steps will help us settle into an enjoyable routine. And in such a routine we shall find the 'flow' -In his seminal work, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience , Prof Mihaly Csíkszentmihályi outlines his theory that people are happiest when they are in a state of flow — a state of concentration or complete absorption with the activity at hand and the situation. It is a state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing e...

Today we have been given the task of doing SWOT analysis. As I began attempting I realised how we take our personal resources like time, health, energy and family for family for granted. Let me focus on just one factor of health i.e. sleep. We are so fortunate to be able to sleep. There different kinds of sleep disorders affecting so many people. Luckiest are those who can sleep when their heads touch the pillow ( not me). The next group are people like me who have a ritual to fall asleep. My personal routine is I brush my teeth, wash my feet and read a book for a little while. Nowadays listening to books on Audible often replaces the book. Then it is welcome to slumber land. Of course that we wake up energised , fresh and look forward to the day ahead is even more of a blessing!  

I am just shocked that our Parliamentarians have pushed aside the issue of marital rape under the carpet!!! They cite that it would go against Indian culture and the sacred institution of marriage !! Almost every woman goes through at least one instance of marital rape- rape is when one partner is not a willing partner. Somehow marriage in our country is a license to sex. There are cases of men who exert their conjugal rights on days when women are menstruating too. In all income groups marital rapes occur. Why is it that men cannot accept the fact that we own our bodies and that we have the right to say NO! There are many women who have said that they lie like dead wood in bed. The man does not treat them with due respect. Sex is just not intercourse. There is a pre and post stage which are totally ignored by most men. If a woman undergoes regular torture should she not have the backing of the law to protect her? It is sad and barbaric that we still live in times like this!...

I am a great fan of Game of Thrones ( duh). There is this particular character Mance Rayder- the king /leader of the wildlings or the free spirited people. He refuses several opportunities to save his life because he does not want to betray his people. He 'd rather suffer, get burnt or tortured so that his people would know: That he was not disloyal to their belief in him. That he has kept his word. That he is not afraid to fail. How powerful are these words especially the last statement. Most of us are caught in the trap- how can we fail? what if we fail? Many Indian parents at this juncture may be stifling the dreams and desires of their children because of this trap. It struck me recently that the present generation have the grit and determination to try their hand sat different occupations, social work and  start ups. From a nation of degree crazy people we are slowly getting there- to the world of entrepreneurs. Set them free. If they fail we are there to bre...

Every time nature strikes a disaster we are always surprised and shocked. Questions -why, how, what loom large. Each time such large scale tragedies occur we are struck by how miraculous that you (readers of this blog) and myself are alive due to some quirk of fate. Nature humbles us. How small, how temporary is this life! Yet we rarely appreciate and celebrate life. Can we not be kinder to ourselves and to others? For what and whom do we amass or hoard wealth? In one stroke of disaster we lose everything. Then can we not make it a habit to share our resources in cash or kind to the needy? Can we not smile, laugh( at ourselves too) and share our happiness with others? Can we not forgive and forget and move on? Life is there till it is there. Live it.  

I am experiencing a rare solitude break. As an Indian female ( especially of my gen) I have rarely been actually alone at any point of time. Safety in numbers was the theme in practice then and until now. School- journey to and fro in a school bus; college - always surrounded. Then came marriage and raising family.. And there was never any 'solitude break'. I too grew up and older thinking being alone isn't fun. Till now. I approached solitude on tip toes. I began to finally 'listen' to myself. I got productive during this period. I am now wallowing in it. Solitude also teaches the value of company. I am looking forward to noisier times ahead. But give me a solitude break any time!!!  

While organising events at our workplace (corporate or academic), there are several 'types' who emerge: 1. Ostrich type: I see nothing hence avoid me. 2. Rodent type: I shall gnaw and gnaw ( read gossip) and crap everywhere. 3. Beaver type: I work and work and work silently and underground 4. Elephant type: I will trumpet and boast whenever I can and I trample if I don't like it. I have a strong memory for revenge 5. Peacock type: I enjoy walking in at the right moment and throw my weight around. I screech and stutter to make myself seen and heard. 6. Cuckoo type: I love to steal the thunder from the actual worker. 7. Cat type: I shall not pitch in even if I am talented or can do. I love my comfort zone too much to leave it. 8. Dog type: I will be loyal and faithful and I am willing to be trained. 9. Owl type: I look, I see, I know. I will wait for disaster to strike and then pour in the wisdom ( comes too late) 10. Ant type: I am visible at work. I am willing to...

A couple of days ago a parent of a 10 year old came seeking admission. I had a small interaction with the mother. Being very enthusiastic about her ward and about her entering a new school she had many queries. Obviously one query centred around on how to prepare her ward for the new academic year. She was wondering if she should enrol her ward for personality development classes, karate, dance, cookery or tuitions during summer. In one breath she said she wanted to give her child the very best. That struck me. I suggested that she just spend time with her ward -laze together, relax together, gaze at stars and have simple fun. She was wonderstruck and meekly replied that she would do so as she hadn't spent enough time last year. Then she bubbled with joy as she kept affirming to herself, ' yes I am going to spend time with my child'. Such simple joys, such simple solutions.  

During the Good Friday weekend I had led a brigade of 50 students and 6 teachers to Mysore. We stayed for a night at Mysore and visited the Big palace, Jaganmohan palace, the zoo, Somanthpura Kesava temple(Hoysala architecture) and Chamundi hills. The highlight of the trip was the behaviour of the students. They were so awesome. The one who forgets to do his assignments was the most responsible. The one who whines a lot was most adaptable. The one who was fussy was so disciplined. The one who was so restless in class was so obedient. It struck me once again that we ought not to judge students within the four walls of the classroom. How happy and cheerful the children looked! They grasped so much of History, Geography, math and Science in that short trip. They learnt life skills without being taught. They were so punctual, followed instructions and had a blast too. Wish we could do away with this stifling education system and teach them this way!

As a society and community we are in a constant flux.   A few years ago I remember a colleague asking me if I would ever accept it if my son declared that he was a homosexual. Without blinking and without even pausing to think I said from the heart that I would accept unconditionally. I would accept my child as he or she is. Often I come across parents who are stuck at the bottom levels of Maslow’s pyramid – that of prestige and honor. They do not even try to upgrade themselves. How can one expect the child to upgrade him or herself? I happened to read an interview given by Ricky Kej (for those who don’t know he has bagged the Best New Age Album Award at the Grammy this year). It pained me to read how he had to strike a deal with his father that Post High school, Ricky would do his dentistry degree provided he would be allowed to pursue music full time. (Obviously children are financially dependent on us till..)This scenario will keep repeating in different families acros...

One / two/ three ?? This is a constant worry factor for parents- how many children we ought to have? Of course factors like social, economical  and family play a vital role in taking this decision. Just as any other organization, if all the members are good team players and if the family runs a smooth course, it is good to have a big family. What happens if a life event occurs? Please note that this is strictly my opinion and based on personal stories. Indian parents normally prefer more than one child. The constant refrain is even if something happens ( note: here something means death) there is still one more. The ‘safety in numbers’ stood tall. But mind you, THIS IS JUST NOT SO!!   If a life event like death strikes once of the children, then the other one cannot ever compensate. There is always the elephant in the room.

Up on the dark dark sky She hung like a huge pearl. The Mona Lisa smile she gave As I looked up in reverence! I trembled and quivered At the tentacles of darkness. Laughter bubbled within I rose to dance and twirl Twirl and twirl Taking the world with me…

A recent conversation with an ex colleague made me ponder on the different working styles people have. (with reference to schools !). 1. Ants: These are the people who work on the administration side. They work in a systematic manner, without much of interpersonal skills. In fact they have forgotten to smile or have small talk. But thanks to them a lot of paperwork gets solved. So no complaints. 2. Queen Bee: One who is excellent at delegation and of course in spotting errors, blanks. Thanks to them we come to know of our weaknesses. 3. Butterflies: Are those who love to flit from one place to another, collecting gossip, spreading it and walking around as if they are Miss or Mr.Atlas. 4. Hippos: Are those who are so thick skinned and oily that they shrug off responsibility with ease. They do not wish to be disturbed. 5. Mom elephant: Is that one good soul who is the shock absorber for all. From recipes to medicines she doles out advice. 6. Worker bees: Are those who are enthusias...

  Today we had a unique celebration at school. The students and teachers ( belonging to 4 Houses/Groups) cooked Pongal ( a dish made of rice, lentils and jaggery). The uniqueness lay in the process. Students brought the raw materials. The school arranged for bricks and firewood. The pot was placed on the bricks and firewood, twigs ,dry leaves were placed strategically to light the fire. A few drops of kerosene and ghee helped the fire to build. Oh it wasn’t easy! There was one teacher and a student who were constantly blowing into the fire/ fanning the fire. Smoke billowed all around causing to choke, spurt and become teary eyed. There was excitement as the milk boiled and the pongal was getting cooked. It was wonderful to see the students doing their part with enthusiasm. It was specially interesting for me to observe others. A few students were good at delegation. A few were good at working on the job. A few were good ‘onlookers’. A few were being good ‘hoppers’ –hopping from ...

  Thanks to Whatsapp I am using Facebook much lesser to connect to people. Nowadays it is very common to have group chats than individual. There is a name , icon or a display pic to suit the group. I wonder: 1. Why people post a good morning as text and then a picture saying the same? All these pictures amount to a 100 within a week! Then comes the tortuous task of deleting them! I will not mention the videos and the kilometer long jokes!! 2. Why forward jokes and pictures denigrating any person/religion in a mutli cultural land like ours? 3. Why rack up old rivalry or make sensitive comments in a group ? The whole purpose of being connected gets lost and creates an embarrassment for the other members, 4. Why cannot I resist opening a group chat once I see the number of messages displayed?

  A new year comes along The first day is treated special With tender loving care But the very second day Life is back to normal. There is no shadow of the first day Back to work, back to living I laugh, I cry, I giggle, I frown.

Death stalked in his heart He gave a shrug, Death tightened its grip He never did worry, Death ate into his veins He intoxicated his blood! Death gave a blow He lay stiff 'n' cold.   On the death of a close friend: I heard the news and I was shell shocked. I had just spoken to him a week ago. Every time it was he who called me on my birthday and all special occasions. I took his calls for granted and even joked about them. This year he forgot my birthday, I think. I waited for months to make an attempt to return the innumerable calls he had made. I picked up the phone and dialled. He was shocked and surprised that I had called. We exchanged news of all and sundry. As usual he ended the call saying that he would like to meet me someday soon and talk a lot. He had lots to tell, he said. I took it for granted as I had always done and mumbled ok . Today he is no more. The calls will never come. 

There is always an air of excitement in my heart on 31st evening. The excitement that One year has whizzed past, forgetting that there were days/ weeks trading slowly ( so we thought)!! The day of the new year launched bright and clear and with the excitement still on. On a super spree I was on the phone and on Whatsapp ( a big boon) connecting to as many as possible. Still way to go. Thank you to all who reached out. Thank you for being part of my journey called Life. I know that all of us who have crossed each other’s path do remember from time to time. Often we miss reaching out. It is ok. No news is also good news as I know every one is somewhere there keeping themselves busy. Thank you to family and friends for just being there.