learnings

  This syndrome is not listed in the DSM manual. This was discovered by two psychologists in the 1970s.  Here one feels empty, fake or phony inside. it is interesting to note that it is a malaise of high achievers. One feels very doubtful of oneself and one's achievements- there is the inability to evaluate or assess one's competence and skills. There is a tendency to attribute success to external factors. most importantly such people set very challenging goals and feel disappointed when things go wrong. the common outcomes are either t anxiety or depression.  Such people also are so terrified by their thoughts that they cannot confide in anyone especially since they are high achievers and would be in high positions.  It would be helpful to talk to a Counsellor/ therapist because the negative thinking, self-doubt and self sabotage can have effect on many areas of your life.  

  I love reading. I have always found time for a book amidst all my busy periods in life too. Since my lasik surgery, reading hasn't been too comfortable. My cataract surgery has helped a bit though.  Yet I do not hesitate to pick up a book. I enjoy my walk to the library once in a fortnight. The ritual of picking out books, debating which ones to bring home is sacred. The sight of the books lying around at home, gives me great pleasure.  I have a Kindle too. But the game changer has been the Audible app. My son has extended its membership to me. he has a great collection of nonfiction. Sometimes I download books that are available on credit. I enjoy listening to dramatised versions of classic literature.  So I read fiction and I usually listen to non fiction. I listen to fiction when I need to quieten my mind and get ready to sleep.   The Kindle hasn't mesmerised me as yet. 

  Whatsapp is huge in my country especially among my generation. It has become integral to our communication. Yet it is interesting to note how less personal communication is. Since ancient times, my fellow countrypersons are known for their gupshup, tea shop banter, coffee house musings, harmless unproductive noisy chatter. It is also fascinating how this has been transferred onto digital/ virtualmedia as 'forwards'.  Yet there is a difference. When we sit across each other and in a public space, we are far more conscious of our actions and words. Behind the 'cloud' we gain a powerful gargantuan ego. Or we develop the ostrich stuck with its head in the pot ego. Empathy, conscious action, apology have taken a beating. I got aware when some of my forwards were questioned or a different perspective was brought forth. I have learnt to be more conscious before clicking on the forward button. I am still learning.  . 

My nephew called up the other day very excited that he had received his first pay. I felt very proud to know that he had thought of saving up a small percentage from it. It got me thinking how a young boy who is living abroad amidst so much of distractions and attractions even thought of saving.   We keep hearing of people of all age groups, globally, who overspend. It amazes me constantly to observe such people who maintain a lifestyle where they keep up with the Joneses.  It is not the lack of financial planning skills. There is a psychology behind it. There are several factors: 1- could be lower self esteem/ over confidence/inferiority complex 2- I deserve it script- reinforced by parents who spoiled/pampered them while growing up. 3. Parenting style - poor role models and numerous other factors. Their logical brain shuts down when the wealth signals light up. The animal brain tells that it is a matter of survival   when it comes to money and comparing oursel...

  I love to watch my neighbour paati (grandmom) chatting on her cellphone every morning. Paati visits her son (my neighbour) every few months. When she is here , the window is open and I get a little peek into her daily activities. A calendar comes up on the window. She stands at the window and chats with her relatives. Her conversations are tinged with affection. Then her son walks in for a quick chat.  I don't have to peep or look in. In fact I dont- just a glimpse. But the sounds are comforting (I don't bother to listen but enjoy the sound) that there are people next door; conversations tinged with mundane activities and affection.  As I sit sipping on my hot coffee I feel good. when paati goes off to stay elsewhere, the window is closed and it is a cold emptiness. 

  Mylapore festival is on. Baba temple is crowded on Thursdays..there is not an inch of space in Mylapore. In my native place temples are holding their annual festivals and Trichur Pooram is going to be hosted too.  Politicians and ruling governments in these states are keeping mum due to fear of losing vote. Airlines are finally pulling up their socks. I remember flying #Indigo airlines and I had requested the air hostess to remind my fellow passenger to put on the shield as I felt unsafe. With a cold stare she said it is a personal choice. Piff!!  It is with continued amazement that I witness people flouting norms and fearlessly thronging places of worship where there is no space or effort taken to maintain physical distancing. Cops stand staring helplessly at the milling crowds.  Of course I am part of groups where there is a lobby who bring out intellectual reports that vaccine is not needed, distancing and masks are not needed etc. Such groups are present in eve...

  I had begun my tryst with a fountain pen a few months ago. I enjoy writing with it. I have used up the four cartridges and i am so happy about it. Of course I have used it for mundane purposes only. During one of my evening walks I bought a bright red pen from the neighbourhood reynolds store.  I love the feel of the pen on paper. I was ruminating this morning that I wished to buy an expensive pen now. earlier I had been gifted and sadly  had not treasuredit. I thought I would lose it and had given them off. I remember my son telling me, rather he had blogged about it, that when we buy something cheap we would treat it so... when we buy something of value then we would definitely be more careful in handling it. I find this resonating. i would like to add that a thing of value bought ( of course the value factor is varied) bought at the right time is meaningful. The value is then enhanced. Or else it is Tughlaqian!

  I was swayed by an email offer from HDFC regarding the upgrade of credit card. Being so easy to operate HDFC net banking, without researching or pausing to ask my RM, I chose to 'upgrade'.  Within a week the new card arrived. Excitedly I called my RM to discuss the privileges. To my dismay I realised I had actually downgraded myself!!  Ah that embarrassing moment when blood rushed to my face and heart skipped many a beat. Took a few minutes to sheepishly acknowledge my foolhardiness. Well now it would be a wait to get upgraded again. Read up, research or ask... and thy questions will be answered. Throw the 'know it all' down the drain.. 

 Tall, fair, light eyes- that's our Gnana Sundar or Sundar for short- as per his name he is indeed good looking and an enlightened soul. He has been the Man Friday in our street exclusively. He has been serving as the Security Guard, Housekeeping gardener, car cleaner, dog walker, source of maids, cooks, butler etc. in my apartment since three decades.  He is such a compassionate person, benevolent to his extended family to the point of his family getting irritated with his kind acts. One has to learn from Sundar on how to be a loving spouse and father. It is so cute to see him with his wife, Rani. I have never seen him raise his voice or get angry with anyone. Always polite, punctual and conscientious he is also the epitome of honesty. He is so concerned about our safety that he would never allow an unknown person to knock at our door without him being present. He would ensure our doors are locked properly. He carries out our banking job as well. So much so my neighbour even ...

  As a responsible citizen I continue to follow safety protocols to safeguard myself, my family and the community.  It amazes me or should I say shocks me that during such a crucial period, the current test match is being held in the world's largest stadium. More than 60,000 spectators have turned up with a very meagre minority wearing masks. So sports 'breaks' the chain? Cricket and its gods are exempted as they have a financial crunch?  So how is the media now keeping quiet about this small gathering? Is this fair? Is this beneficial to all? 

 It is a year! 365 days have gone past. What started as mysterious, unearthly, conspiracy, bio war etc... stayed on and how!! I remember being so confident last year that by June 2020 all things would be back to normal. It is going to be June 2021 and I have embraced the new normal. Personally and Professionally it has been an interesting journey.  This period gifted me many things. One among which was a friendship gained across the seas. I had met this tall American psychologist a few years ago at the school I was working then. I was fascinated by his knowledge and experience. His persona was so positive. I have always believed that we meet people for a reason. During this pandemic year, I requested him to guide me on Adlerian psychology. He replied instantly. From then on it has been a wonderful journey of learning and friendship.  I was humbled that he found time (and still finds) to interact with me. We exchange our life stories, learnings and I am so fascinated by th...

 I am not a great driver. My favorite comment begins so and ends with I just drive! Thanks to my son who motivated me to learn driving so that I would be independent. And I enjoy being so.. Now I am going to change this thought and the words. I am getting there .. this will be my quote now on. I love it when I drive alone for I learn deeply from my mistakes. With no backseat drivers and comments I feel so liberated.  Recently I also realised how much opposition is there when I have to take my car to a new place or use a new route. It makes one so diffident. I am pretty cautious myself; I am not comfortable driving in the night and prefer driving to places where I know I can park comfortably.  Coming back to opposing voices-take the driver; it is election time and there could be a traffic jam..  Last Sunday I took a new route; to a new place in spite of the dissenting voices. I then realised it was about me listening to them. I have a choice not to. 

 It is remarkable to note how scientists across the world worked day and night to bring out various vaccine doses. Their dedicated research discovered the mRNA effect. Marvellous. I read so many inspiring stories of how they made their breakthroughs. This discovery has been made the fastest in the history of vaccines.  A friend of mine remarked today that last year at this time the virus was doings deadly rounds in Europe and had reared its head in Delhi. Today thanks to all the amazing scientists we have received the first dose of vaccine. Kudos to the Central and State government in speeding up the delivery and also making it available at such a minimum price.  It is heartening to see the government centres and private hospitals doing a great job in dispensing the shots.  On this note I must appreciate with utmost sincerity the impeccable services of MGM Healthcare in my city. Every detail was looked into to make it a very smooth and comfortable experience. The sta...

 So said my son when were once assembling a furniture from IKEA. Setting up stuff from IKEA makes me feel so good; And it is so true that if one is struggling while setting up an IKEA piece then one is not focussed, not doing it right and it is time to change what is being done. Is this not the same when it comes to problems / situations in life too? Often we grapple with issues. If we could take a few seconds to pause and focus on the task at hand it would help us to look at the issue from a different perspective. Voila the solution would be at hand.