Parenting in the West- my learnings

I visited the USA to spend time with my 7 month old granddaughter. I had a lovely time and gained another perspective in pregnancy and childrearing.

1.       The pregnant woman is not treated like an invalid: I was amazed to see pregnant women happily swimming and exercising in the pool. It is easier to do leg lifts in the water. The pregnant woman goes about her tasks as usual till she enters into labour.

Neither does she eat for ‘two’. She eats wisely. Hence it was refreshing to see slim and healthy pregnant women.

2.       After child birth- On the 5^th day they are up and moving about, if they have had a normal delivery. They are taking the new born in the stroller for a walk too. Both parents take equal responsibility of raising the child. Hence it is wonderful to see the father so active in taking care of the infant. The couple become self- sufficient.

3.       Raising the baby- While some mothers decide to take up their jobs after the maternity leave, some opt to sit at home or work part time. 

Unlike here, they do not have hired help.

4.       Routine- This is something religiously followed. My aged mother found it perturbing to see a clockwork routine being followed. I saw the ‘routine’ to be so beneficial. The wake up time, feeding time, nap time, tummy time, bath time, play time, outdoor time and sleep time is followed to perfection. There is a time and place for everything. Feeding is always in the kitchen or in the dining space.

5.       Sleep routine is: baby is taken to his/her room, curtains drawn, fed, put into the crib. Baby is allowed to cry. Parents wish goodnight and walk out. If the crying persists more than 10 minutes, one of the parent goes in, talks softly to the child and comes out. This is called ‘cry it out’ routine. Some follow this while some parents allow the baby to sleep while feeding and then put the baby to sleep. Cameras are fitted in the baby’s room so that parents can monitor through their phones.

The advantage of routine is the predictability. Both baby and parents are prepared. There are exceptions when some days are not predictable. But largely the routine helps immensely. The parents also can plan their schedule accordingly. Weekend outing and household chores are centred on such routines and make it stress free for both parent and baby.

6.       Being ‘engaged’: Since there are no drivers and ayahs, the parents play a huge role in keeping the child entertained. Personal supervision of the child is ensured at home, at the park and at the pool. The swimming pool is the hub for children in summer. From the 5^th month the child is introduced to water. There are disposable swim wear diapers available for babies and toddlers.

7.       Peaceful parenting: What struck me was the patience. I witnessed patience in large doses at the pool, at the park and at play. Yet another quality worth mentioning is that I did not witness children being compared. Parents do compare notes on routines and food but they do not compare one child with another. Hence there is no stress among children nor among mothers. I saw children being taught swimming, cycling, skating e.tc. A child who is very shy was given enough space by the parent. The mother would bring him every day to the pool. He would watch all the children frolicking around. One day he decided to venture into the pool and his mother happily obliged. She did not praise him then. Rather she waited for him to pick up a few nuances and then appreciated is effort. So praise not he child but praise the efforts.

8.       Reading:  Reading to the infant as early as when it is 5 months old is a ritual I loved. There are tiny books with colourful pictures and a couple of words. There is no story as such but it is read diligently to the infant. Many parents read at bed time. There are water proof books made for bath time too.

9.       Breastfeeding- There is a law protecting breastfeeding mothers! Hence mothers can breastfeed the baby anywhere. Here we have the saree or dupatta to cover the infant being fed. There I saw a cute sling like overall which a mother slips over her and the infant. This is so comfortable that the mother can feed the baby while standing too.

10.   Conversation with your baby- Every child- infant or toddler - is addressed as an individual by itself and not as a helpless baby. The baby may be just babbling or cooing but the parents respond in normal words. Hence as the baby grows into a toddler the conversation is normal as between 2 people. So when the toddler begins to talk he/she is talking in a very mature manner. Conversation is built around facts more than just baby talk. Parents are encouraged by doctors to maintain normal conversation.

The above is my learnings and my opinion only.