learnings

  4. Our brain on ROAD RAGE Why road rage? Well it is the most common behaviour among us. Abusing, yelling, being fined are common and we blame it on bad drivers, bad roads and traffic. Just a minute. Our brains are built to overreact to a perceived threat. The same neuronal machinery that protected our ancestors from a charging animal eons ago is activated when we encounter ordinary stresses like traffic! Our body releases cortisol, a hormone which sets off the brain’s alarm bells by stimulating the emotionally charged amygdala while damaging neurons in the hippocampus, which in turn shrinks the calming part of the brain that puts things in perspective. To bring this stress response under control we can take the help of our newer brain i.e. the frontal cortex to regulate the older ones. Another common example is, nearly everyone has an involuntary reaction to a stressful situation like public speaking. We feel our stomach churning, our mouths going dry because that’s how evolution...

Our brain is  about 1300 grams in weight and has a 100 billion neurons sloshing around. This amazing organ has been evolving for millions of years which is similar to scoops of ice cream being added to a cone. The lowest part of the brain(thalamus and cerebellum) is similar to that of a lizard’s.It hasn’t evolved much. It handles the survival –oriented behaviour like hunger and sex. The middle part of the brain is involved in emotional processing. This part of the brain ( hippocampus and amygdala) is similar to that of the mice’s which is much more evolved than that of a lizard’s. The third and the newest part of the brain which is also the largest is the complex cortex and is the home to our thoughts and language. The evolution of our brain can be compared to this example.If someone asked you to construct a racing boat but they gave you a wooden rowboat and said you could add things to it to make it into a racing boat!  That’s what our brain evolution has been.We can’t cha...

I am sharing this based on the learning from the popular book,’How full is your Bucket’ by Donald O. Clifton and Tom Rath. Each of us has an invisible bucket which we empty or fill depending on what we say or do. We also have an invisible dipper which we use to fill or dip our buckets and also that of others. When we use positive words and actions towards others we are filling their bucket and in turn ours. When our buckets are full we are happier, more productive and healthier. When we use negativity towards others we are dipping into their buckets and ours. We thus dip into the buckets rendering them empty. When our buckets are empty we are unhappier, drained, less productive and unhealthier! We have a choice- do we fill or dip ? Do we want full buckets or empty ones?

I have often overheard parents commenting that their wards are watching too much of television. If you dig a little deeper, it is not surprising to find that the parents are doing the same! Research has proved that children model on the behaviour of parents. Early childhood is the most crucial period in the development of traits and character. Children role model their parents. It is perfectly fine to watch a few programs together and even have a discussion. But parents especially mothers tend to be glued to serials/ soap shows. They get annoyed when they are disturbed. They do not welcome phone calls or visitors during this time. All these are imbibed by the children who begin to accept it as a value. When they, in turn, exhibit the same behaviour the parents cannot tolerate, leading to conflicts. Hence dear parents, watch your step, I mean your TV viewing!

Recently my sister in law ( who lives in Adelaide, Australia) remarked that her physician had noted that Asians especially Indians lacked in Vitamin D!! I found it strange initially as we live in the tropics and have a good exposure to the sun. But wait a minute.. Though we have plenty of sun do we actually make use of the sunlight? Rather we avoid the sun, the life giver.. Cultural reasons:( these stand out to be the foremost for avoiding the sun) Due to the colonial hangover and the craze for the white skin we avoid the sun. Every matrimonial advertisement justifies this. Hence we see the female gender dressed up as Neptunians – armored and covered from head to toe. Scarves and dupattas are creatively used. It would put jack Sparrow to shame! In fact sometimes I wonder why we decry the purdah!! Economic: There is a shift happening: from the agrarian to the manufacturing/ bpo / IT, from the rural to the urban. Osteoporosis, decreased immune system, skin problems are in vogue. Ju...

A deep learning I received today from a good old friend. As usual we were discussing several things under the sun when the topic of suffering came up.  There are so many who are in pain, in suffering and in turn hurting themselves and others. As I mentioned this my friend said suffering is when we don’t accept reality… when we do not let go…When we persist on ‘holding’ then we automatically suffer. Such wisdom in the words. When we face death, hurt, betrayal we do not let it go. We engulf ourselves in the pain. Since it is very difficult to let go, our body and mind gets used to pampering us with the pain. We get entangled in the pain. It becomes addictive. Then we suffer- suffer from headaches to acidity, ulcers to cancer.

Why is modern India still in the Victorian era? A young couple who had a love marriage commit suicide as their parents have not accepted them! Whom should we blame? Parents/society/ couple? If the couple live happily their community does not allow them. If they have managed to escape the wrath of the community then the parents don’t accept. My advice to couples: Since you have taken the plunge, go on till the end of the journey. There will be more downs initially but soon they give way to ups! Once parents see you happily married they would relent. Since you have taken a decision to marry without parental consent, why do you get so bogged down when they are in the non-acceptance mode? Time will bring them to you.   My advice to parents; You have lived your life. Let the young ones live theirs. Can we not do that much for our children? If they are working and independent why not let them choose. Your worry maybe, what if their choice is wrong? Well even arranged marriages can f...

The other day a parent told me that her 8th std son was suffering from BP. I was shocked. Looking at the boy I could understand why! He was clearly overweight. He was munching on a packet of bingo (a salted snack). He was never sent to play outdoors and obviously he was an angry young man! The lady’s daughter was in her 11th and she was sulking. Reason- she wanted to do liposuction!! I could not believe my ears. But nothing surprising  though. Obesity, anorexia, juvenile BP/ diabetes are on the rise alarmingly. If India is going to have a ‘sick’ (sic) young population then imagine Abdul Kalam’s 2020 dream. Looks like we oldies have a big job to do. It is doubtful if today’s children will live to see India shining. So we have to do the work of taking India forward !! It is equally surprising to note that the youth have so much of information on health, lifestyle and diseases and yet they are willing to flaunt it in the name of fashion. Behind their make-believe tough veneer they a...

I recently read an article in a popular daily that babymoons are in fashion. For those who do not know what they are, babymoons are trips taken by the couple when the wife is pregnant. Of course this has gained prominence due to Kate Middleton being whisked away to an exotic Mediterranean locale by her Prince Charming! Indians are getting caught in this fashion as well so says the report. So much planning goes into having a baby- beginning from the engagement ceremony is it not! Yet once the baby arrives the young parents are torn between the traditional and modern style of parenting, especially in India when families pitch in. Parenting is crucial and so so important. A child’s personality is set by the time it is five years of age. Now is this not scary? For we often hear parents saying that children would ‘outgrow’ certain traits!!! This is the biggest myth that has to be busted. There are varied styles of parenting: Authoritarian -  It is also known as strict parenting. Her...

I have been asked by friends if yoga and counselling can be combined. I have used Pranayama and Surya Namaskar in my counselling process. Both are especially effective in treating mild to moderate depression and anxiety disorders. I have used either or both along with the ‘thought stopping’ technique. Yoga is very relaxing and soothing. But the client should be willing to practise everyday to get the best result. Care should be taken to understand the client’s medical history to avoid physical problems. it s best to recommend a Yoga teacher/centre near the client’s residence. Self learning is dangerous and harmful to oneself. A trained teacher would be able to suggest the right asanas for the various ailments.